• Adrian Davidson

What To Do When Contacted By A C**T

I've been working as an event manager at a bar and lounge for several years. Yesterday was the third time we were threatened with a lawsuit...this week. A girl emailed the bar, writing, "I don't know how this happened, but on one of your Jenga pieces, it says to 'Text C*NT' to my dad's phone number..." Moments later we received an email from her dad, "People keep texting me, 'You're a c*nt' 8 - 9 times a day. It's starting to affect my work. Remove it immediately or I'll be forced to bring a charge of harassment against your establishment.'"


Now, first, I've known a lot of people to write their ex-girlfriend or crappy boss's number next to "please call to have a good time"... but your DAD? And not just "c*nt" but "C*NT", all caps. What did she imagine would happen in a crowded bar full of drunk hooligans? That they'd take the higher ground? "What does that say, Jim? Oh! That's awful, let's reverse this act of vandalism and send this poor poppa a bouquet of begonias".


Second, she lied to us by saying she didn't know how the number got on there. Her: "I don't know how it happened! Why is your bar full of people who hate my dad? Daddy I love you!" We made sure to explain to her that we knew she was the culprit.


Third, why not tell your daughter to stop writing "C*NT" on other people's toys? Well, at least her proud father will be able to go to parties, take out his phone and say, "See that photo? That's my son Jack, he's going to be a doctor. And the girl next to him? My daughter, Isabelle, she and 193 of her friends think I'm a CUNT". In the end, we removed the Jenga piece from circulation... framed it...and put it on display by the entrance to the bar.


#Comedy #NewYorkCity

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